I was chatting with a guy friend yesterday about dating. It's funny how an everyday conversation will stick with me and linger in my mind. The message that really resonated with me was; "No Guts. No Glory." After I typed it and sent it to him I thought, HELLZ Yeah! I have managed to inspire myself. His dating dilemma was that he was waiting for a signal or sign from women that they were interested in him. My advice was let go of the worry and wonder of what might be going on with the girls. Start asking yourself, "Am I into this person?" If the answer is yes, stick that neck out there and go in for a kiss or an arm graze...flesh touching of some kind (zombie much?). Let the other person know how you are feeling rather than waiting (full of anxiety) for them to display affection. This is just my opinion, of course, but it seems to be on point. I followed up my words of wisdom (I am so wise when it comes to other people's lives) with - Don't be afraid to act foolish when it comes to love. I loved typing it then... and even more right now. What a simple yet powerful statement. Why wait around? Why not - ask the questions... make the moves... write the note?!?! Who cares if they say no or don't like it.... move on and be on the look out for the next person that will. It is going to happen for you, my friend... you are amazing, super hot, kind, uber interesting and supremely thoughtful.
I have to be careful with my advice when it pertains to my own life and my behavior, because I am all too quick to let someone know how I feel - sometimes I think I jump the gun. I am practicing major patience these days. Rather than making moves or contacting guys to do stuff... I am letting them come to me. It can be agonizing for an independent control freak to do this, but I am quite proud of my will power.
I have also been testing my ability to text and facebook message less. Especially, when it comes to having major conversations. I'd like to keep that to voice to voice or face to face (that sounds hot for some reason). This kind of conversing brings me back to the old school ways of flirting. I love making a grand gesture for someone I am interested in. It can be so much fun. I remember cutting out hearts (paper ones - geez - I am not that into vampires - but I did make straight A's in Biology) for a guy I really liked. I would leave them in all these random places for him to find, hanging on the front door, in the mailbox, next to his coffee cup in the cabinet. I had so much fun doing that for him. My heart was overflowing. I love things that make me feel like a little kid, full of excitement.
So, this short blog is all about taking risks, going for the gusto and having some nuts.. I mean, guts..I mean, beaver lips... whatever! Be BOLD. Why not?!?!
Cheers to the thoughtful flirt, the first kiss and having some nerve. Happy Tuesday!
This weekend in Louisville we celebrated PRIDE! What is Pride? I got asked that question a lot by some less educated, young, sheltered, close-minded folks. It's an honest question and I felt like I gave a really good answer. Pride (in my eyes) is a celebration of acceptance. So, be whoever it is you want to be and while you are at it... be proud of it! Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Trans-gendered... whatevs. No shame. No judgement. Just happiness, peace and party time, bitches!! I go every year, because not only am I Bi-Sexual, but I LOVE and support my LGBT friends. Last year, I even pitched being sponsors of the parade, to MINI of Louisville and they happily said YES! It makes me unbelievably proud to work for a company that didn't even hesitate to get involved in something that is so important to our community and to me. Yeah MINI!!! It's funny, I think I am finally in a healthy relationship.... it just happens to be with my job and not a human. It has taken years for me to find this one... and I am not letting it go. I've read that once a person feels balance and truly happy - good things will just keep on coming. I can tell that this is true (especially this morning with B.O.B). I feel so grateful every day for the wonderful-ness in my life.
In fact, I am the luckiest bitch I know. I went to Pride festivities last night after work. I had a long day and was down in the dumps from a few deals falling through. I got all sexy-fied and went to meet friends. I found rock star parking across from the Belvie (score). My red clutch matched my rainbow scarf perfectly, but it failed to hold my phone properly (clutch - you are so fucking fired) and my cellie falls on the sidewalk! Pieces of my royal purple LG Lucid went flying everywhere! Shit. Fuck. Damn. Shit. The sweet gay boys following me helped me pick it all up. I am feeling like fucking Humpty Dumpty up in here. We start chatting and I walk into the event with them. I notice several hours later that my phone is not quite right, oh well. That sucks, but I will get a new phone later this month. No biggie.
When I wake up this morning, I realize - HOLY SHIT - my SD card is missing. It fell out when I dropped my phone. 1300 pictures were on my phone. Shit. Fuck. Damn. Shit. I decide to just let it go. There is no way my SD card survived the Pride madness and the rain. I am sure some glittered platform heels demolished it at this point. I go for a run to clear my mind. I have NOT been on a run in years! I took my pup, Ida and we ran across the Pedestrian Bridge downtown in the rain. It felt amazing. The Powered with Pride
group in Louisville really inspired me to run again. After my run I met my gay hubby (gubby) for breakfast at HillBilly Tea (YUM). I was bitching about losing my pics and decided after we ate I was driving down to look for my card. He looked at me like, gurrrl please. When I got to my parking spot from last night I scoured the sidewalk, street, knooks and crannies... NUTHIN!! But, a city street cleaner yelled from the corner, "Mam, can I help you?" I walked over and started telling him what happened. He commiserated with me and said he was so sorry to hear I had lost my pictures. "How nice", I thought. As I turned to go back to my car, I looked down and THERE it was!!!! I could have hugged that man. I would NEVER have walked that far down the sidewalk. But, because he was nice enough to ask if I needed help... I did. Maybe, he asked so he could check me out in my wet running clothes... OR maybe he really truly just wanted to assist me. Who cares?!?! It made my day! I put it in my phone and it works!!! I thanked him profusely. What are the chances?!?!? I am telling ya, I am a lucky whore! Thankfully, my naked pics are still safe and sound. Just kidding, Mom. I have them locked in my Super Vault App. :) So, this week and weekend have been full of awesome-ness. Cheers to being proud! Cheers to being lucky! AND... Cheers to not giving up (whatever it is we strive for).... it will happen. I am hearing the song "Same Love", by The Heist in my head right now. Enjoy. XO
Oh to be 25 again... right? Wait... fuck no! I was talking to my sister yesterday and we were reminiscing about our early 20's. We were thinking of all the wrong roads, bad choices and screwed up dating situations we've had over the years. What was I thinking when I dated the guy that worked for his Dad (had no money of his own), lived at home, had perma dirty fingernails and got mad at me for spinning incorrectly on Swing Dance night. Oh, I know.. he was HOT! I met him after taking too many shots on the bar at Bar of Louisville one night. We did have one of my favorite kisses. He and I were walking hand in hand along the Waterfront one night and all of the sudden the sprinklers started spraying a beautiful mist over the entire front lawn. As we were running through the mist laughing he turned to me, grabbed my face and kissed me in the middle of the Great Lawn. I remember thinking, "Oh My God!" It was so romantic and memorable. Too bad he had Daddy issues and needed anger management. Jen (my sis) had similar memories of good and bad. But, she feels like - FINALLY - she has a guy that gives a shit about her and they love each other to pieces! It's so awesome to witness. Even when they fight... I know it will all be o.k.
I guess, for me... the other thing I think about when I talk 20's is my one big love from that time in my life. I cannot help but remember how we met, how much I loved him and all the fun we had together. My "Sweetie Peetie". We don't keep in touch, so I will catch myself wondering how he is and where life has taken him. I wish I could just call him up and check in, but I am sure his wife would have a cow. She only stalked me and followed me a few times when they first started dating. At that point, they were not married and I did not even know she existed. He never told me about her... how was I supposed to know. Plus, I loved him like a crazy crack whore loves the drugs. I don't regret much in my life, but I will say I do look back and wish I could have got my head out of my selfish 20 something ass and appreciated what I had with him. BUT, that is not how my life was meant to go. He is still, by far... one of THE sexiest, silliest and most handsome men I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. I used to compare all of my dates to him, but that got old fast - no one could ever measure up.
AND... speaking of 25... what is it with all the 25 year old dudes floating around me lately. My roomie is 25, I work with a couple youngin's... chat with a 20 something or two... they are everywhere. The other question is, why am I so tempted and drawn to them? Am I trying to re-live my 20's? Why in the hell would I want to do that? The OTHER other question is - are they attracted and drawn to me? If so, what are they thinking? A quick fling? A pity fuck? Or maybe it's not about age and more about connection?!? Hmmm.... who knows. Every morning when I meditate I hear the message, "Be open to newness".... so I will just go with that. Plus, the word newness is very close to the sound of the word nudist. I am open to the idea of something new or nude. Whatever it is - bring it!
Cheers to the 20's and all the lovely lessons (and kisses) that come with it.
Could it be the vibrating buzz under me or wrapping my arms around someone and trusting them with my life as we drive 80 mph along a country road!?!? What is it that makes riding a motorcycle so hot? And the bikers even hotter? I have ridden on motorcycles my whole life. A few guys in my redneck home town had Crotch Rockets back in the day. We never wore helmets (super smart) and would blast through "The Square" in Salem. I will never forget my first ride, in high school. My buddy was "caning it" or riding aggressively. He bolted in between two signs downtown and I thought we were going to die! Luckily, we made it and no one was hurt. I will say the Crotch Rockets are not my fav, but they were hella fun. I remember his girlfriend got pretty mad at him for having me on the back... which I can understand after riding with him closely. So, that was the end of that.
My next bike ride was on an older Honda. We would cruise with a group along River Road and head up to Madison, IN. I was so relaxed in the open air, holding onto my buddy... looking like a bad ass (or so I thought). We never dated or even came close. Again, his girlfriend did not like me riding with him either. Listen bitches... why aren't you riding with your men? This is fucking as hot as it gets!!! Jump on the back of that bike, squeeze him with your legs and put your hands in his pockets... you both will be so turned on by mid-ride, he will high tale it home. Just sayin...
One of my favorite rides, which turned out to not be sexy at all, but hysterical... was with a man friend of mine. He has several classic motorcycles. He was going through a rough break up and needed to clear his mind. I suggested a ride to lighten his stress. I put my helmet on (I am much smarter now) and we hit the road. He took me on some routes that were so curvacious and wooded....oh la la.. it was beautiful. I had a visor that I kept down for most of the ride, except when I wanted to chat with him a bit. In the middle of a very heavily wooded area I decided to pop up my visor and tell him a quick story. We were going slow and apparently, this epic tale could not wait. After my zippy chick flick of a blab was concluded I quickly put my face protector back down.... 2 seconds later (I am not kidding) a fucking BIRD hits me square in the FACE!! WTF??? I, of course, let out a squeal and a squawk of sorts (seemingly appropriate -yes?). My Man Friend made sure I was ok, before we both started crying laughing. What if Woody the Woodpecker had crashed my party seconds earlier? I may have lost an eyeball or something!! Death by beak?!?
Anyway.. I love motorcycles. I have been very envious of one of my girl friends who has been biking a lot lately. It is high time for me to get my vagina on the back of a bike very soon. She needs it. And... for any of you that have not ridden on the back of a motorcycle - Gurrrrrlllll... you should.
Cheers to leather, ink and those good vibrations.
I am feeling very ageism-ish today. When approached by a friend about meeting one of his friends as sort of a blind date... I originally thought, how cool! Yes, sign me up. THEN, after some facebook digging I uncovered that the "fix up" guy seems a lot older than me. Hold on...like waaaaay geezery. I am talking mid to late 50's. Am I an asshole? Is that crazy? I mean, I am 36 (going on 26), thin, attractive, sexy and full of energy. I looked at his 4 or 5 cheesy pictures and thought... DUDE... is this what I get now? Older gentlemen who have the male version of "Glamour Shots" with palm trees and cheerleaders in the background? He looks so polished and... fuck, who am I kidding... he just looks old. My age meter should include, do they know what the word "slizzered" means or "chive on"... if not... buh bye.
BUT, what is my problem? When I was in my early 20's, I dated plenty of older men. In fact, that is how I met the friend that wants to fix me up. I dated his buddy. I was 21 and my boyfriend was 40. He was distinguished, successful and full of excitement. Why, at 36 do I shutter at the thought of dating a man in his late 40's? I guess, I feel young at heart and tend to date younger men. Is it unfair of me to assume he will be too old simply from a few crappy facebook pictures? Maybe. I don't see myself being attracted to him, unless the camera adds 10 years and he looks vivacious and fresh in person. I know, I am a superficial jerk.
After I stomped, paced and huffed around at lunch... feeling like there was no way I would ever agree to this meeting, I decided to be more open and less judgey. Who knows, this could be a lot of fun. I adored the older men in my past. Old balls and wrinkled shoulder skin was not the typical experience. Plus, dating younger men has not been working out that great for me any way (nervous limpies)... might as well try something new. Right?
Cheers to thoughtful connections and Pierce Brosnan in his prime!
Last night I sat around a table at Molly Malone's with three guys. Two of them, I know rather well from a previous working relationship... the third was new to me. As we all gulped our Guinness, basked in the evening sun and bitched about work crap.... the subject matter quickly turned to my dating life. I love meeting up with dudes that are my friends and that are happily married. They give me such a unique perspective and without knowing it, help me see the light. The two men I know really well, completely love and adore their wives... but also can admit to things not being perfect. I find this to be so refreshing and hopeful. Let me in on the secrets of married life, guys.
We talked about the subject of showering with a girl. Why do some guys try so hard to get out of this? I had a boyfriend tell me he would never shower with me. He said he didn't want to be cold in the corner while I washed my hair. I mean, fuck my hair... aren't we going to be naked, wet and smooshed up next to one another?!?! Who cares about washing anything. Right? Another guy said, "I will pee on you. Every time. So, forget it." O.K. Every time? Really? One of my friends said, "Is it like perma dick trickle?" WTF? We all have our weird quirks, but I am completely shocked by the resistance some people have in the naked department. They all agreed.... the men that complained about showering with me were weenies and obviously have bladder problems (even though one of them admitted to peeing in the shower every day... BUT not on his wife).
Along the same topic as the shower; they let me in on a little "guy secret". When men check out women... they look at how much make up she is wearing and immediately wonder how she will look wet. I was like, wet? What do you mean? Wet. Like, right out of the shower... flat hair, no make up... wet. Ohhhh.... got it. Hmmm.... I didn't know that guys did that much thinking when they met a woman for the first time. As a lesson and a test for me... we used this theory on an attractive girl at the bar. She was extremely sexy, long legs, blonde hair, nice booty.... but then as we looked longer and harder... we all agreed... she may not look that great wet. Too much make up! So, ladies... maybe for your online dating profile pics you should have one of you - right out of the shower!?!? Or, maybe boating and the pool need to be on your Summer to do list. I know it is on mine.
I wanted to share these conversations and thoughts... because I found it enlightening.
Cheers to being WET!
I have to ask, what is up with the lame non-invites? Let me explain. O.K. When someone asks me, "Hey, Rebecca what are you getting into this weekend?" and then I say, "Nothing really." Isn't the next step to ask me if I'd like to get together or hang out? This question was coming from men... that have claimed to be interested in me. Isn't it a little weird to ask what someone is doing and then leave them hanging when they respond?!?!? Maybe, it's just me... maybe I was raised by a very mannerly proper Mother who taught me all about etiquette and such (even though I turned out very crass). Fucking RUDE much? Why even ask? I suppose, morbid curiosity? Could he honestly and innocently just want to see what I was up to? One dude even blew me off (not in the pampers) and said he wished he would've known I was free. THAT really got me going.... REALLY?!?! I distinctly remember him asking me what I was doing and what nights I had available. I told him I did not have plans and that I was basically open all weekend. After a few texts back and forth... me, inviting myself along... he said he HAD to check with the "guys" and that he would get back to me (which he never did).
I guess, the conclusion I can draw from these conversations and non-invites is simply this; He doesn't really like me... otherwise he would make an effort. Right? I will only put myself out there so many times for one person. Once the effort seems to fizzle, so does my desire to get to know him/her better. Some dudes... AND chicks... are way too comfortable complaining about life instead of living it. Don't get me wrong, I realize I am complaining right now, but do you think I waited around for any guys this weekend? No way. I made other plans with friends that wanted to see me. I felt the need to vent, because I know we have all experienced this. Will this shit make me bitter? Sometimes, sure. BUT, I will say... I feel more focused and secure than ever right now. The more successful I am at work, the more confidence I have in myself to make responsible love life decisions. The most healthy decision I can make is to WAIT. I choose to hold off for a super delicious thoughtful sexy handsome man. I have one in mind... we'll see how long he takes to come around. I briefly saw him last week and it made my whole day.
Cheers to chance meetings and morning hellos.
Oh... and screw the non-invite! NO Beav for YOU!
I started celebrating my fantastic month of May last night with some Sparkling Wine, Cellar Door chocolate and a mozzerella/salami roll. A few friends joined me at my house then we headed to Garage Bar to meet the others. My favorite drink there is the Basil Gimlet... YUM.... freshly picked and muddled Basil, Gin and a squeeze of lime juice. The weather was so perfect I kept imagining I was on a beach somewhere. It was a breezy, warm Saturday night. I should have known the night was going to lead to mayhem when I kissed a "Clark Kent" look alike on the cheek and asked him to sign my breast (in all fairness I thought it was my friend, but it turns out he has a twin I never knew about).
As our glasses clinked throughout the night and the toasts continued, my buzz grew. By the time we arrived at No Where Bar, I was decently toasty. So, when the shots showed up, you better believe the tipsy Rebecca happily accepted her Lemon Drop with open arms and an open throat. Big mistake. It always is. Before I knew it I had grabbed a fake blow up penis that was flying around the room and started poking random people with it. Just like me, to poke and hide... right?!!? One of my friends was not feeling so great (she had a case of the relationship blues and started to get upset), so we elected to leave. There were six of us traveling around together, but now we were down to five. Somehow, we all managed to fit into my MINI. When we dropped her off, I should have gone home. I was so tired. It had been a long busy week. But, with that much alcohol coursing through my veins, no good decisions were going to be made.
Which leads me to the next part of my story. I wish I would have stopped drinking. I wish I would not have gone to Nach Bar and had two Old Fo's. Sometimes when I have too much to drink I turn into a bitchy McGee... and this was one of those rare occurrences. For some reason I started hating on my friends that were smoking. I mean, yes I hate smoking, but do I hate my friends that smoke? No. The drunk girl in me began to complain and toss the cigarettes my buds were smoking into the bushes. I even went as far as picking a fight with one of my closest girlfriends. What the fuck is my problem?? The smoking rant quickly turned into a convo about sex and who was having more!?!? Then it was a heated comparison of what is worse; smoking and possibly getting cancer or having mediocre sex with a guy that cannot keep a hard on and stares at his biceps! Honestly, neither sound that good... right?!? As we both turned away from each other I could feel the tears burning in my eyes. I cried myself to sleep feeling like a big ol dumb whore.
When I woke up today, not only was I completely hung over and dry as a bone, I had this horrible feeling like I might have ruined a friendship. I knew I had a very big apology in my future. I thought it out in my head as I was dialing her number. Fuck. I hope she will speak to me. I don't want to lose another girl friend. Then, the craziest thing happened.... she answered the phone (I expected to get her voice mail). After my last girl friend disagreement recently, I had no idea how this would go (she wouldn't even talk to me about the situation) .... but I knew I wanted to make it right. It's funny, when two friends really love each other, forgiveness and honesty are easy. We talked through it and will probably be closer because of it. I am not sure what sparked my shitty mood. Probably, pure exhaustion from working so much lately.... and not enough food in my belly before tossing back so much booze. Sex and Cigarettes can be vices for people. Sex is easily a weakness for me and I know I need to work on my vice... but I have been so good. I am still waiting.... for the right guy. My friend and I agreed that if we could combine our personalities - we have the potential of being the perfect girl.
Cheers to the friends that make us better people and forgive our drunk nights.
Love you, girly!
I need to start this blog by saying: YES - it's true, I used to be a "gamer". My sister and I got completely addicted to video games when we were just wee lasses. It started with an infatuation of Pitfall, which moved into an obsession with Duck Hunt, leading to an even bigger need to kill each other in Mortal Kombat (Get Over Here)...Crash Bandicoot and Soul Blade! We played so much, we had gloves to protect our fingers from getting blisters. Once I was in college, it really got bad. I would eat Rally's cheeseburgers and play games in between classes everyday with my buds. According to my records, I schooled those fools!! Anyway, I reached the strung out video game crack head level and realized, enough is enough. I turned over my Sony Playstation to my parents when I was 21 and asked them to hide it and never give it back to me... EVER!! Shew... a true case of quitting gaming cold turkey. It had to be done.
So, the real reason I am bringing all of this up.... is the game/movie "Wreck It Ralph". Loved the movie and I highly recommend it. BUT, I feel like I have some things in common with him lately. For instance, I got a phone call last night from a guy that I met via work. After a few minutes on the phone, I realized what was happening. He was not calling to talk about MINI, he was confessing that he has a crush on me and that his girlfriend was jealous! WHAT? Are you really calling to tell me this?!?!? Seriously? #1 these are customers, #2 even though he is extremely handsome with a foreign accent.... (damn)... I will not go there, #3 who calls and just lays it all out there like that??......finally #4 I am pretty sure he was asking for my advice. WTF?!? I feel like Wreck It Ralph. I am a fucking home wrecker! Of course, it was not intentional. BUT, still! It makes me feel so weird.
My therapist told me once that my "friendliness" could easily be mistaken for flirting. She also said, if I did not get a handle on it.... it could cause problems. Ok. Noted. It's hard to hold in my enthusiasm and excitement when I am at work. I love my job. I guess, I could see how my adoration of the brand could spill out over my desk and seep into my customers, but I always thought that was a good thing. Maybe, I gave him too many slow blinks! Damn. Never underestimate the power of the slow sexy blink. If you know me, you've seen it in action. I am hoping he won't be contacting me again for more love counseling. I think that will be too much drama for me. AND... I REALLY hope the girlfriend doesn't call me. Shite! The last thing I need is jealous GF behavior tainting my stellar month at work! Ain't nobody got time for dat. Sexy accent or not... I am staying FAR away from you Mr. Dark Eyes, Dark Hair, Manly Chest Hair Guy - *fanning myself..... uh huh... not for me... no way! I will not be "Wreck It Rebecca". Life is too fantastic to stick my toe into that hot mess hot tub.
Ever had one of these??
Enjoy your Thursday! I will be hitting up the pool in about 30. Jealous much?
I find myself in the strangest mood. I am sicker than a dog... stuck at home... horny (is this a new side effect of cough syrup - maybe it was that shot of bourbon) ... all alone. After visiting the doc today, I tried to head into work. Big, stupid mistake. Pushing myself to get better faster did not work out for me. As I was driving into MINI... I started feeling this weird spikey tingling in my throat. No big deal, just cough already, right?!!? Once I started coughing... I could not stop. My eyes started watering, my throat started clenching and I had to pull over. On the edge of St. Matthews next to some perfectly landscaped yards, I blew chunks. How embarrassing!!! It took some time before I could get it together and drive back home. On my way back to Germantown I felt a little anxious and depressed. I am going back home to be by myself and feel sickly. I'd much rather be at work. At least at work, I am happy, needed and motivated. I hate this. I would love to have someone at home to hold my head while I am feeling down, ya know? It would feel so nice to have a lap to lay in, or arms wrapped around me. Unfortunately, I have chased all the nice guys away. Even after some serious "hanky dropping" today.... nothing. The guys that may have come by to snuggle up with me in the past... have no desire to be here, now. I wondered, if my dress were made of handkerchiefs and I dropped that - would they pick up on that hint??? I am not suggesting I'd have sex with a guy that came to my rescue... I am just saying I am not getting any offers to lay with me while I feel like crap. Maybe, they don't want to get sick (which I understand) or maybe they have zero interest in rekindling any feelings they've packed away (again... I understand). Guys, I get it. I am simply venting.... that is what this blog is all about for me.
So, I will turn on my Vick's Vapor Rub humidifier and watch The Bachelorette. I guess, there are going to be times that being alone is not so empowering.... it's just lonely.